Category Archives: Music

Musically inclined articles.

Parquet Courts’ ‘Content Nausea’ Reviewed in 100 Words (Or Less)

Parkay Courts’ (it’s the same band you dummy!) debut, ‘Light Up Gold,’ brought an immediacy and “we don’t give a fuck, we’re playing what we want” attitude that had been missing in modern rock since the mid-90s.

‘Content Nausea’ is the second full length released by the band this year, and it feels like they’ve made up for something. ‘Sunbathing Animals’ felt like they were trying, and CN puts the band back where they belong: not giving a fuck.

The tracks flow into each other perfectly and contain the surprise and urgency that keep you coming back.

Guy in the cubicle next you just remembered Limp Bizkit

In a stunning development, the guy next you at your office just remembered that Limp Bizkit exists, much to your chagrin.

 

“Oh dude,” he was quoted as saying to you this morning, “‘Break Stuff’ just came up on my iPod!  Remember these dudes?  They ROCK!”

He then provided you with a 20-minute recap of Limp Bizkit’s career, followed by intermittent updates as he ignored the morning’s work and instead spent ample time searching the Internet.

 

“Check this out, these guys totally invented rap metal,” your coworker said, citing a random MySpace page.  “I hope they tour again soon.”

 

You then went into the bathroom, stared at yourself in the mirror for several horrifying minutes with the realization that this is what your life is, and proceeded to gouge your eyes out with dull scissors.

Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping” to be put on permanent repeat in Egypt’s Tahrir Square

CAIRO — The world has marveled over the last several days as protesters in Egypt defy their current leader, Hosni Mubarak, and continue to protest despite lack of sleep and food, violence, and lost wages.

 

“It’s amazing,” said Schmanderson Pooper, of PNN.  “I really don’t understand how they’re able to keep it up.”

 

Sporting Hipster has learned why the protesters in Egypt haven’t relented — and why, we predict, they never, ever will.

 

Tubthumping.

 

 

 

 

“One day we just started hearing this music,” Said Mouhmed Al-Mouhmed, an Egyptian who attended school in the U.S.  “And it made us realize the shitty situation we were in, and that we had the power to change it.  We’re never gonna be knocked down!”

 

Plans have been unveiled to put the song on repeat permanently, or at least until Mubarak finally steps down.

 

“Your move, Mubarak,” said Mouhmed, as protesters began to chant “Mubarak ain’t never gonna keep us down!” in Arabic.

JOAQUIN PHOENIX FAILS AT RAPPING

It appears that Joaqin Phoenix, the actor that last year caused a stir in Hollywood following several bizarre public appearances in his much publicized bid to quit acting and become a rapper, has completely failed.

 

The actor states, “I’m such a fucking failure.  Rapping is fucking hard as shit, bro.  For real.  But fuck, what a failure I am.”

 

The rap world is not surprised.  P. Diddy Combs Puff the third states, “Rap is an allegorical, cultural representation of sociological values that are much more complex in nature than the common philistine would imagine.   Franz Fanon said it best when he said, ‘Dem hos be all ho-ish an’ shit.'”

 

Pheonix’s beard, meanwhile, has picked up an agent and is currently looking for solo work.

 

 

Five Hip Christmas Songs to Enjoy By the Ironic Fire (Videos Included)

As the yuletide “logs” burn, and you begin to don your hilarious snowman sweater circa 1980s which you bought at Goodwill, there’s only one thing left to complete your holiday scene — the ultimate holiday playlist. Here’s five hip Christmas songs that you simply MUST include for this year’s holiday party:

 

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Top 5 Songs by Athletes

There’s nothing more hipster than releasing your own single as a professional athlete. These songs are the hippest of the hip, as it were, and keep us hoping, praying, and rioting for more. Pitchfork would never, NEVER, touch this subject, so it’s up to us to tackle this age old question of science, once and for all.

 

Here are the top 5 songs recorded by professional athletes:

 

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